Image

Archive for death

The Miracle of Life

It’s almost like clockwork – every Spring, no matter how long it’s been since I last posted, I am inspired to write something about the sheer LIFE I experience burgeoning in my garden.

It usually starts with the Gertrude Jekyll roses – because they are early birds and because they smell divine. But even given their undeniable lusciousness, without the back-up chorus – lilacs shyly emerging from their slumber in the shade of the California Pepper, fat water lily buds jostling goldfish in the pond, eager buds covering every rosebush, tiny scrolled buds on the wild nasturtiums creeping under the fence; there’s even a peony bud building momentum in a pot outside my office door – I still might not be motivated to write.

But there is something so primal and yes, so beautiful, about this annual celebration of the life force that I too am awakened from sleep and want to take part.

It’s on days like this that I remember these words of Thich Nhat Hanh:

“The true miracle is not walking on water or walking in air, but simply walking on this earth.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

And I am moved to share my gratitude for being among the walking right now, for my garden, and its reminder of the endless generosity of the earth.

I lost my sister Katherine Grace on February 24th. I was privileged to share her last days, her last hours, and the precious minutes of her last breaths. I say privileged not only because she was extremely private and this sharing wasn’t a gift she gave easily, but also because the laying down of life is a sacred time for every human being, and it is always a privilege to be in the presence of the sacred. It’s a time when we are distilled down to the very essence of who we are. My sister fought hard for her life, for her time on this earth, even when she could no longer walk without help. But when it was time to lay it down, she surrendered with all the grace and beauty that defined her.

And as the beauty of new life emerges all around me, I send a silent prayer of gratitude for her life. In some secret way, I can imagine her here still, in my heart, like an unfurling bud that will continue to bloom as long as I walk this generous earth.

To my Kitty Gae, with love.

Death Cafes


I’ve been hearing about Death Cafés for a while. People gathering for conversations about death in each other’s homes, or literally in cafes, starting out as strangers in many cases but quickly finding intimacy in the all-too-human stories that emerge from engaging this powerful subject.

Knowing of my interest, my love monkey Steve just sent me a link to a story about them in one of his favorite blogs, The Dish by Andrew Sullivan, but I cut through to the original story Sullivan was blogging about, a story about a Death Cafe at the top of Beachy Head, a famous suicide cliff in Sussex’s South Downs where I used to live. It’s a fabulous story, so I’ll share the link here… it’s by Claire Davies, published in Aeon Magazine.

I’d love to hear if anyone has experienced a Death Cafe…

Memorial Altars

A public memorial is being planned in a month or two for all those who knew and loved my sister Karen, but last night we held our own small family memorial for her here at home.

We created an altar right in the middle of the kitchen table, all the women working together. A collage of photos printed out and laid on a raised bed of brocade and lace, decorated with her favorite flowers (orange roses) and flanked with fat white candles and her full name written out in long-hand – it was a homage to her beauty and love of dramatic flair and I think she would have liked it.

Karen-altar-original(click to see it larger)

We sat around the table, each of us – mother, sons, niece, sisters, brothers in law – speaking of her, reading, praying, playing music she would have loved, crying, laughing.

But even now, a week after her death, it’s still hard to believe she’s gone.

 *  *  *

Here’s the little altar I built for her in my office:

Karen-altar-home
And here is one my friend Hephaistos Semyorka built for her on our island in Second Life:

Karen-SLshrine

That’s me sitting in the back, and this is the prayer I’m offering up to Spirit:

May Karen’s blazing red-haired spirit continue to burn brightly in all those who have been touched by her, and may that flame spark an eternal delight in life and resounding kindness in all who come in contact with it.

37 Days

Another gem sent from beauty-sister Nancy White (who launched her new blog site yesterday!) – this one a joyously inspiring blog by writer Patti Digh. Her blog is called 37 Days, and it’s about what we would be doing today if we only had 37 days to live; in other words, what’s really important in life.

This is an especially poignant message for me, as my friend Kay has gotten the results from a test determining why her markers are up – the cancer has returned and there is a small tumor right in the middle of her pancreas. Options are limited at this point, so we are very focused on exploring them thoroughly. Spirit willing, we have more than 37 days, but remembering what’s really important in life has never felt quite so apt as it does now.