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Archive for Ceremony – Page 5

Reunion

My honey and I just got home from his 35th high school reunion in Hawaii. This group has the most amazing class spirit – thirty-five years after graduating, almost 1/2 the original HPA (Hawaii Preparatory Academy) Class of ’72 showed up to break bread and ‘talk story’ (as they call it here).

The morning after the traditional big party at a rented South Kohala beach house, a group of about 15 of us made our way to the top of the mountain behind their school – La’ela’e it’s called – to go maile hunting…

Maile is sacred to these islands and holds special meaning for the men of this group – a trek through the rainforest to find enough of this increasingly elusive vine to make leis for their sweeties has become an essential part of their reunion celebration. This is Chrys, wearing hers:

Chrys

Into Great Silence

Moment

I recently saw a film that absolutely transcended previous cinematic experience. It was called Into Great Silence, and as the name implies it was mostly silent, and close to three hours long.

It was unlike anything I have ever seen, right from the very first few frames…

Grainy old-fashioned film leisurely following snow flurries and dust motes in the cold winter light; morning in a Carthusian monastery high in the French alps; the almost imperceptible movement of the
stars across the night sky; the almost unbearable tenderness of men’s voices, singing their
prayers direct to God’s ear.

Time winds like a long, repetitive round of sound and light in this film … morning passing into day
into dusk and then night, dissolving into dawn and morning, again and again.
The seasons pass in a parade of light and shadow so slow you can barely see it move, the relentless red thread of time woven through all things.

I entered into it like I would a long meditation … my mind
chattering away at first ["What am I doing this for?" "God, this is
uncomfortable" "I’ll never sit here for 3 whole hours"] even as my body
slows and prepares to still… I slowly sink into the mesmerizing images
and sounds of the great silence on the screen, as its magic wraps itself around me and all of us in the room. We are so quiet we can hear every movement, every piece of popcorn crushing and sound from the movies next door, but our collective attention is so focused these sounds don’t distract us.

The experience is luxurious, painterly, yet never less than austere. We take the time to dwell lovingly on small details one could only be aware of when the pace is that slow… the images are almost excruciatingly beautiful and absolutely ordinary, a metal wash bowl propped against the wall, rocking slowly as water drains away. 

In the grainy film colors lose their distinction, outlines blur and particles merge dissolving into each other. As in a dream, I kept reaching in awe for my camera to record what was being revealed around me, only to be shocked to find I am in a seat watching a movie.

As part of the round of cinematic repetition, quotes in three languages kept appearing on the screen, over and over. One quote captures my attention each time, "Oh Lord, you have seduced me. And I was seduced." Every syllable strikes a chord & vibrates in my psyche.

This film seduced me with its rich thirst for silence; I wanted to surrender, like the monks, to simplicity and the raw beauty of the perfect eternal present. I was seduced by the rhythmic throb of nature’s pattern, wanting to give myself into it utterly, as if responding to the call of an insistent lover. It seduced me like the love of God had seduced those monks.

It seemed dream-like, a million miles away, but these were young men, living now, in modern times. Every now and then there would be some detail to bring that modernity home – a computer in someone’s room, or some bright packaging, a sticker on fruit. But they were living a life that was as old as time; their song books illuminated manuscripts from the 17th century, read by the light of candles; their feet treading stones that had been trod for centuries.

I was right there with them, my senses completely alive, cells toughening to withstand the cold as I knelt on the hard stone, planted the early shoots while snow still lie on the ground. I felt myself shyly expand into the warmth and joy of the short but utterly sweet summer, then let it go when the time and season changed. A year passed, and yet the flow continued; another winter, season into season, life into life, youth into age and dark into light.

When it finally ended, I wasn’t ready to go. My companion and I just sat there in the dark empty cinema, listening to the shifting scene around us, preparing to leave the silence … adapting to the current of our lives, the here and now of the Berkeley street just outside the doors … it wasn’t an easy transition, but I could sense the beauty in the silence that still remained, the eternal silence that always remains at the center of everything, and that was enough somehow.

Afterwards, talking about my experience with others, and again now writing about it, I am struck by what an amazing phenomenon it really was… far beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in a film before. It’s almost like it changed the molecular structure of my body; certainly it took my consciousness someplace I’ve never been except after many hours of meditation.

In spiritual work, they say that once you’ve ‘woken up’ you can never go back to sleep again, at least not in that completely unaware way; similarly, I believe the experience of sitting with this film for three hours can change you; if you surrender to it you’ll never be the same again.

Kindness

A colleague and I were having a conversation the other day, about human kindness and anonymity and how the latter can adversely effect the former, particularly in online environments.

The conversation made me aware of my own tendency to become irritated
with over-eager telephone marketers, or tech support people who don’t
seem to know what they’re doing. In fact, I’ve been close enough to
being rude in those circumstances (i.e. threatening bodily harm, in my
mind at least) that I have had to force myself imagine them in the room
with me. This allows me to access any residual good nature that might
be lurking beneath the bitch from hell I seem to be
channeling in that moment.

Over the years I have found it totally changes the experience if I think of whoever I’m irritated by in an anonymous situation in the room with me. Then I see them as a human being, with the day’s cares on their face, someone with children and a wife and mortgage, etc.

Here’s another example: I’ve been working with a designer I’d never met on a client logo for some months by phone and email without a satisfactory resolution. After a combined investment of about 50 hours the problem had become so acute that we were in danger of one or the other of us just giving up in frustration, which would have meant having to deal with a very messy financial situation.

Finally, I had the idea of meeting in person at my studio and seeing if we could reconcile our issues together over a shared flat screen. The result was almost miraculous. We were able to resolve things that had hung us up for months in a couple of hours. At one particularly exhilarating moment we talked about what had kept us connected to this process, even when things looked so bleak.

I said I’d trusted in his professionalism and ultimate ability to do what we’d asked, and he said it was the fact that I had been so kind. He went on to say that he rarely receives that level of courtesy in his work when things start going badly, and I’d been so patient with him that he’d have done anything to fulfill his commitment and not disappoint us.

That really made me think. How much more might we do together if we are aware of each other as full human beings, rather than just objectifications that exist to meet our needs? What kinds of conversations might we have online if we imagine each other as friends, and extend the level of care and patience we offer in ‘real life’?

Ellen Sung Sook Cha Lee

EllenI’m not sure why I felt so compelled to attend Ellen’s memorial – after all, I didn’t know her all that well & our connection might be seen as tenuous (Ellen was my fiancé Steve’s son Lee’s grandmother). But she was a central figure in this admittedly unconventional family I’m part of, and somehow I needed to be there.

We gathered in a circle on the lanai of her Honolulu home (now her
daughter Elizabeth’s) for the ceremony, 30-40 people of varied ages,
races, cultures – each as it turned out reflecting a vital piece of the
whole. As we spoke, Quaker-style, about her life – Ellen Sung Sook Cha
Lee’s life – a picture of this unique being began to form
through our collective memory’s speaking.

There in the center of the lanai with the small round table (upon which
her ashes were held in a mango-wood box strewn with lei and surrounded by candles), dimensions of her life and personality began to emerge that
no one of us had known about before we gathered.

Slowly a composite image revealed itself… a rather glamorous
figure who was envied by her less exotic cousins, Ellen Sung Sook Cha
Lee was more than a little vain in her youth (proof that Lee’s
mirror-gazing didn’t ALL come from Steve 🙂 and we learned that she carefully made up her
face for work each day, rolling her hair in the elaborate pompadour
that was the style then. She was pretty in an educated way (meaning she unashamedly wore glasses); a
well-informed intellectual with a degree in English Lit and a mind that
stayed crisp and clear until death in her 92nd year.

Solitary, self-sufficient, unsentimental and frugal, Ellen
had the prescience to save for her grandson’s college
education, a priceless gift to Lee for which all three of his parents are also eternally
grateful. 

She was a thoughtful neighbor, according to the elderly woman who
joined us to say that Ellen was the first to greet her and her husband
when they moved in, although no one could remember her inviting them
to anything or accepting an invitation.

However unsocial she may have been personally, she was seemingly unconcerned about sharing her home, TV, and the
contents of her refrigerator with a gang of rambunctious kids as Lee
and his friends grew into teenagers and young men & women. She
smoked cigarettes and drank a largish glass of red wine each day; she loved the
little pond in her back garden and spent many hours caring for the
potted bougainvillea that graced it. The stories friends family and neighbors told about her went
on and on…

The morning after the memorial Steve was messing around in the
basement and found a whole pile of photographs we’d missed earlier –
wedding portraits of an incandescent bride with an impossibly long
train, smiling happily at her joy-filled groom (they were both in their
30s when they found each other). As we poured over the pictures I had
the sense that there will always be new dimensions to discover about
each of us, and that each of us sees each other with our own eyes, calling forth different views and perspectives.

Death doesn’t stop the ongoing revelations either; it reveals things that may have been hidden, and may even release inhibition in sharing our thoughts. It made me start to think about my own life, and how different people would see it. Kind of makes me want to burn my diaries, actually. 🙂 But on the other hand I trust that as was true here around the circle of Ellen’s life, the people I love would see me and all my foibles kindly. Which is as we each would wish to be seen and held – in life and in death.

Fare well, Ellen Sun Sook Cha Lee. You were seen and loved.